So I Moved, Again.

I have this terrible habit of leaping without thinking. Sometimes I feel like it’s the only way I will get anything done--that I will over think it if I have too much time and never actually jump. Like jumping off the high dive during swimming lessons. For years I knew it was something I was going to have to do to qualify for my lifeguard exam, but when it came time to actually do it, I couldn't make myself jump. You see, I'm afraid of heights. Not all heights—I can fly on an airplane just fine—but a 13 ft high diving board is my worst nightmare. I had spent the years previous fretting over this final task—so much so that when it came to it I froze and one of the other people in the class had to physically push me off the diving board. I was mortified.

Anytime it comes to changing or doing something significant in my life it can feel a little bit like that. Like someone needs to push me into action.

This time around though, I decided to make the change; or rather I actually listened to myself—what I needed and what I wanted. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown in January of this year. I felt trapped and alone and I knew I couldn’t continue that way or I would maybe shut down for good. So, I made the decision to change—to explore moving to a new city. 

It was definitely terrifying. I’ve never lived in an actual city, and contrary to everything I’ve ever told anyone, I wasn’t completely sure I could do it. Hypothetically I was brave and street smart enough, but in reality, change can be scary. I wasn’t 100% sure I could overcome my tendency to withdraw from life and actually thrive in a new place. It had certainly failed before.

This move felt different, though. I feel like in the last year, I’ve come to better understand myself and what I want/need in life (Side note: therapy is magic), so I was better equipped to make this move a healthy one. And so, the search began, and within a month I found a job and an apartment in Chicago. 

Even though it’s been a whirlwind, I’ve learned so much about myself and strong and resilient I can be. I’ve also definitely had my bad days. This week was kind of rough, but I picked myself up and took some time for myself (maybe did a little online shopping) and am definitely feeling better.

This move to Chicago has been a process and I wanted to start writing about it—the good, the bad, and maybe the ugly—to share my experiences and to process everything. You’re welcome to come along for the ride.